first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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