I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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