True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
