and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
