there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
