There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
