WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
