I can text with my tongue
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
