oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
