is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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