I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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