The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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