Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
