I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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