I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
40s are totally the cure
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
