just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
