I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
