What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I need moral support for this bender
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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