Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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