Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
