u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
