He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
