Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
