just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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