Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
