I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
