Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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