I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
