When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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