WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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