you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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