he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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