Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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