My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
