I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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