I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
