It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I need to align my fucking chakras
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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