I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
