I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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