It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
