I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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