remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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