Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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