dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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