Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
