does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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