i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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