Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
