drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
