i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
