Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
