I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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