Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Your dad touched me again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
