you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
