I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
